My phone storage is full. I need to get my life together.

I don’t have the leverage of being a student with at least some time still to go before I graduate to decide what’s next. There is no safety in a structure or a schedule that university life would set for me, where I technically don’t need to answer that question yet. And, I’m out of the bubble of thinking that everything is possible, and I can dream these crazy big dreams, because they would come true. I am yearning for a big adventure. I hear those hopecore, motivational background sounds somewhere in my mind, teasing at my insecurities and lack of hope. They’re painting a picture of a beautiful, wonderful life somewhere… Somewhere out of reach. Just out of reach.

I’m searching frantically for an opportunity to show up, or a breakthrough, or at least a sign. I’m going back to my old ways of planning and organizing my life, thinking that it’s this lifestyle that I’m missing, or that I fell out of, and if I just go back to it, it would all work out. If I buy that silly little notebook, and plan each step I take in a day, and carry it around like a very important business briefcase, it would gain the power of a magic wand, and I could just bibbidi-bobbidi-boo my life around. I would have a purpose again, and I wouldn’t be wasting my time anymore, the way I feel like I’m doing right now.

It’s tough being unemployed in your twenties. Because that’s the truth of it. I’m unemployed. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I doubt all of my interests, choices, and capabilities, and struggle with the fact that I don’t have a job. That’s the gist of it.

I do, however, need to swoosh my magic wand over my everyday schedule to create at least some productivity. There’s a huge pile of books in my room that I want to read. There are so many articles I saved that I also need to read. I want to start some of my hobbies again. I’m so creative in my mind, but nothing in execution. And I hate that I feel all this at the start of a new year. Talk about timing!

I feel like a loser around my peers. They have all these anecdotes about work, or their colleagues, or whatever, and I’m not even that unemployed friend that’s always on a wild side-quest where you would marvel at the free and fun life they’re living. No, I just sit at home, scroll my life away on my phone, and then think about more and more things I haven’t accomplished in life when I should’ve. I think that this year won’t be a year of spiritual improvement, or becoming the it-whatever, but rather it will be a year of covering the basics. I know this feeling won’t last forever, but I’m not exactly known as a patient person, and it is something that lingers. Especially if all you’re surrounded by are people who are way ahead of you in navigating their twenties. I’m tired of feeling like a child wearing grown-ups’ shoes. Why can’t my breakdown-rock-bottom-misery look chic as it does on TV? I want to at least joke about it, but I’m too frustrated and impatient to do it.

Screw it! I’m buying the notebook.

Reading Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential while eating instant noodles, in my room, headphones blasting, is what this summer is all about. Well, actually, it’s about the heatwave, waiting lists for doctors that are too long, and unemployment as an ultimate nightmare, but you get the gist.

The notebook I turned into my journal lies forgotten on my desk because I’m tired of thinking and talking about the same thing. On the other hand, I secretly imagine how one day I’ll look back on the stuff I’ve written, you know, one day, when I make it, how I’ll look back on this period, reminiscing on my beginnings.

There’s a mirror on top of my desk, leaning against the wall. I turned my working desk into a vanity, and it did make me vain. I spend too much time in my head – no wonder I’m impatient.

The temperature’s dropped a bit, so I started craving fall. Every middle of July, I get summer fatigue and start imagining the falling leaves, the need to be cozy, with a warm drink and a baked good. As soon as I feel the cold wind on my skin, I’m done with the first half of the year.

I made an Earl Grey cake I have with a glass of milk. I don’t even like milk. But I love the coziness. I imagine that one day, in my own house, I’ll always have a cake or cookies on the counter. My home will smell of freshly baked goods and vanilla.

I remembered yesterday that I’m in my third decade of life. I forgot that fact because I don’t remember a thing of my first decade, very little of my second, and a lot of bad in my third so far. But there’s been some good, too. For now, life is just happening. I imagine how, in the future I’m working towards, my memories will be clearer. I’ll build a life for myself that’s going to be so vibrant that it wouldn’t possibly slip my memory.

My room’s a mess. I should probably get to cleaning it. All of my books are in a pile on the floor, in the corner, because I was thinking – there’s no point in buying a new shelf when I’ll be moving soon. Almost all of my possessions are in the boxes under my bed or on top of my closet. I’ve been ready to move all my life. I’ve been waiting forever in my room that isn’t my room because I have somewhere else to be. A home. I crave the nostalgic feeling of fall, where I can go back to myself, and I crave home.

My Little Hawk

2026-01-13 13:19:35

Lamentations of your unemployed friend in their twenties (excerpt from my diary)

---

My phone storage is full. I need to get my life together.

---

I don’t have the leverage of being a student with at least some time still to go before I graduate to decide what’s next. There is no safety in a structure or a schedule that university life would set for me, where I technically don’t need to answer that question yet. And, I’m out of the bubble of thinking that everything is possible, and I can dream these crazy big dreams, because they would come true. I am yearning for a big adventure. I hear those hopecore, motivational background sounds somewhere in my mind, teasing at my insecurities and lack of hope. They’re painting a picture of a beautiful, wonderful life somewhere… Somewhere out of reach. Just out of reach.

I’m searching frantically for an opportunity to show up, or a breakthrough, or at least a sign. I’m going back to my old ways of planning and organizing my life, thinking that it’s this lifestyle that I’m missing, or that I fell out of, and if I just go back to it, it would all work out. If I buy that silly little notebook, and plan each step I take in a day, and carry it around like a very important business briefcase, it would gain the power of a magic wand, and I could just bibbidi-bobbidi-boo my life around. I would have a purpose again, and I wouldn’t be wasting my time anymore, the way I feel like I’m doing right now.

It’s tough being unemployed in your twenties. Because that’s the truth of it. I’m unemployed. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I doubt all of my interests, choices, and capabilities, and struggle with the fact that I don’t have a job. That’s the gist of it.

I do, however, need to swoosh my magic wand over my everyday schedule to create at least some productivity. There’s a huge pile of books in my room that I want to read. There are so many articles I saved that I also need to read. I want to start some of my hobbies again. I’m so creative in my mind, but nothing in execution. And I hate that I feel all this at the start of a new year. Talk about timing!

I feel like a loser around my peers. They have all these anecdotes about work, or their colleagues, or whatever, and I’m not even that unemployed friend that’s always on a wild side-quest where you would marvel at the free and fun life they’re living. No, I just sit at home, scroll my life away on my phone, and then think about more and more things I haven’t accomplished in life when I should’ve. I think that this year won’t be a year of spiritual improvement, or becoming the it-whatever, but rather it will be a year of covering the basics. I know this feeling won’t last forever, but I’m not exactly known as a patient person, and it is something that lingers. Especially if all you’re surrounded by are people who are way ahead of you in navigating their twenties. I’m tired of feeling like a child wearing grown-ups’ shoes. Why can’t my breakdown-rock-bottom-misery look chic as it does on TV? I want to at least joke about it, but I’m too frustrated and impatient to do it.

Screw it! I’m buying the notebook.

It was a beautiful, sunny spring day, late April. We were at a bus stop waiting for her bus before I went back to my apartment. We were coming back from campus, excited about our plans, and I just felt good. It felt like a good day.

Sometimes, you confuse that feeling in your stomach, which warns you about something, with excitement.

She got on the bus, we said our byes, and I remember turning around thinking, man, that was a good goodbye. Usually, transitions are confusing for me, so spending time with someone, to having to leave, is never casual for me. It’s always accompanied by an awkward choreography of mumbled words, darting eyes, and not knowing when to leave.

Maybe it was Providence that granted me that moment of simple, naive, and peaceful goodbye with my friend, because I never saw her again.

That day was lovely, and I wouldn’t change a thing. But if I only could, I would jump into the day after. As chance would have it, we missed each other, and I was left forever wondering if anything would’ve been different if we hadn’t.

Regrettably, I lived a life full of things I want to change. But then again, it brought me here, to who I am today. So I learned to let go. But most of all, I learned that they – that nothing – compared to grief.

We were supposed to see each other again at uni. We had morning classes that Thursday.

I drove down that road many times after. I tried to understand what exactly happened. I still do, every day, and it’s eating away at me. No matter how much time passes, I’m still stuck in those few days from when it happened, when and how I found out (because that was an awful way to find out), and her funeral. What followed were months completely lost to shock and grief, with no memories, just pain and insomnia.

When I used to think about something I would change, or a day I wanted to relive, I never knew the answer. I couldn’t be bothered to go live through it again. After that day, I got my firm answer that I better not think about. It’s not easy to let go once I start thinking about the possibility, even in theory, of going back in time.

💜
My fabulous Pixel-friends, the seasons are changing and nature is getting dramatic in one of the most beautiful ways!

Sadly, the turning of the leaves signaled the end of my utterly lovely convalescence in the countryside, and I had to make the 3,000km drive home before all hell broke loose. Not gonna lie, after spending more than a month doing the whole "feral in the nature" thing, I'm achingly sad to be back to "civilization" and cell service.

Stay tuned, more pics coming soon!

Side note: Right now, this picture is a very important symbol in ny home province. In the next couple of weeks my provincial government is holding a very controversial referendum to decide just how racist we are and if we should leave Canada... So, this is one of my less-than-subtle declarations of where I stand.

#photography #nature #mapleleaf #leaf #leafveins #red #love #hearts #green #autum #fall #Manitoulinisland #northernontario #ontario #canada #prettycolours #leaffalldown #CanadaStrong #FuckAlbertaSeparatism

(Full disclosure, I defintiely artificially edited this..... leaf with my sharpest cabin knife😉)

💜
My fabulous Pixel-friends, the seasons are changing and nature is getting dramatic in one of the most beautiful ways!

Sadly, the turning of the leaves signaled the end of my utterly lovely convalescence in the countryside, and I had to make the 3,000km drive home before all hell broke loose. Not gonna lie, after spending more than a month doing the whole "feral in the nature" thing, I'm achingly sad to be back to "civilization" and cell service.

Stay tuned, more pics coming soon!

Side note: Right now, this picture is a very important symbol in ny home province. In the next couple of weeks my provincial government is holding a very controversial referendum to decide just how racist we are and if we should leave Canada... So, this is one of my less-than-subtle declarations of where I stand.

#photography #nature #mapleleaf #leaf #leafveins #red #love #hearts #green #autum #fall #Manitoulinisland #northernontario #ontario #canada #prettycolours #leaffalldown #CanadaStrong #FuckAlbertaSeparatism

(Full disclosure, I defintiely artificially edited this....... leaf with my sharpest cabin knife 😉)

💜
My fabulous Pixel-friends, the seasons are changing and nature is getting dramatic in one of the most beautiful ways!

Sadly, the turning of the leaves signaled the end of my utterly lovely convalescence in the countryside, and I had to make the 3,000km drive home before all hell broke loose. Not gonna lie, after spending more than a month doing the whole "feral in the nature" thing, I'm achingly sad to be back to "civilization" and cell service.

Stay tuned, more pics coming soon!

Side note: Right now, this picture is a very important symbol in my home province. In the next couple of weeks my provincial government is holding a very controversial referendum to decide just how racist we are and if we should leave Canada... So, this is one of my less-than-subtle declarations of where I stand.

#photography #nature #mapleleaf #leaf #leafveins #red #love #hearts #green #autum #fall #ManitoulinIsland #northernontario #ontario #canada
#prettycolours #leaffalldown
#CanadaStrong #FuckAlbertaSeparatism

(Full disclosure, I defintiely artificially edited this....... leaf with my sharpest cabin knife 😉)

Belgian Malinois: The Brilliant Working Dog That Really Does Need a Job

Belgian Malinois, a highly athletic and intelligent Belgian working-dog breed. Photo: SheltieBoy, Wikimedia Commons, CC BY 2.0.
Dear Cherubs, meet the Belgian Malinois, a dog so energetic, intelligent and work-focused that “just one nice walk around the block” can sound less like exercise and more like an insult. Originally developed as a Belgian herding dog, the Malinois has become one of the world’s most versatile working breeds.

THE BELGIAN ORIGINAL

The Belgian Malinois takes its name from Mechelen, known in French as Malines, in northwestern Belgium. The breed was developed during the late 19th century from local shepherd dogs, with farmers selecting animals that could herd livestock, guard property and generally be useful rather than merely decorative.

The Malinois is one of four closely related Belgian herding varieties, alongside the Belgian Sheepdog, Belgian Tervuren and Belgian Laekenois. Their differences largely involve coat type and colour, although classification varies between countries.

Typically athletic and relatively lean, the Malinois has a short coat, usually fawn or mahogany with a distinctive black mask. The American Kennel Club describes the breed as intelligent, confident and highly versatile, with a strong bond between dog and handler.

That combination explains its extraordinary working career. Malinois are employed in police and military roles, detection work, search and rescue, protection sports, tracking and other demanding jobs where concentration, speed and trainability matter.

One particularly famous Malinois was Cairo, a military working dog associated with the U.S. Navy SEAL operation in Pakistan in 2011. The breed’s ability to work closely with a handler while remaining physically agile has made it particularly attractive for specialised service roles.

LIVING WITH A MALINOIS

Here is where prospective owners should pay attention.

A Belgian Malinois is not simply a German Shepherd with the settings turned up slightly. This is a dog bred to think, move and work. The AKC notes that the breed requires substantial physical activity and mental stimulation and generally suits experienced owners better than first-time dog owners.

Training and early socialisation are important. A bored Malinois can become remarkably creative, which sounds charming until the dog decides that dismantling your household is today’s enrichment activity.

The breed can be affectionate and deeply devoted to its family, while remaining reserved around strangers. Properly trained individuals should be confident rather than unnecessarily aggressive, with their protective instincts controlled through good handling and socialisation.

As noted by thisclaimer.com in its coverage of working Belgian Malinois, these dogs have a habit of turning canine training into unexpectedly entertaining moments. Their serious reputation should not obscure the fact that they are still dogs: curious, energetic and occasionally spectacularly committed to whatever has caught their attention.

For the right owner, however, that intensity is the attraction. Give a Malinois meaningful work, consistent training, exercise and companionship, and you may have one of the most capable canine partners around.

Just don’t expect it to be impressed by your Sunday stroll.

Sources:

American Kennel Club — Belgian Malinois History: Where the Breed Originated — https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/dog-breeds/belgian-malinois-history/

American Kennel Club — Is the Belgian Malinois the Right Dog Breed for You? — https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/dog-breeds/belgian-malinois-right-for-you/

American Kennel Club — Facts About the Belgian Malinois — https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/lifestyle/fun-facts-belgian-malinois/

American Kennel Club — Belgian Malinois Breed Information — https://www.akc.org/dog-breeds/belgian-malinois/

American Kennel Club — Breed Temperament Guide — https://www.akc.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/breed-temperament-guide-akc-fss-Sept-2025.pdf

Thisclaimer — thisclaimer.com

Thisclaimer YouTube — youtube.com/@thisclaimer?sub_c…
The Thisclaimer logo blends a classic warning symbol with a brain icon to represent critical thinking, curiosity, and thoughtful disclaimers

#belgianMalinois #belgianShepherd #canineIntelligence #dog #DogTraining #dogBreeds #Dogs #friend #herdingDogs #love #malinois #militaryDogs #nature #pet #pets #policeDogs #puppy #security #workingDogs