“You’re not fun anymore”
This was one of the last things a friend said to me before ghosting me over my disabilities & covid caution.
My wearing a mask? Not fun
My being bedbound? Not fun
My inability to travel? Not fun
She then said “I don’t know how you can live this way”
Almost everyone with chronic illness experiences this at some point.
Many ableds want us to hide our disabilities.
They want us to be the same as we were before because it makes things more comfortable for them.
If we show them the depths of our suffering?
They can’t cope.
They see us as better off dead.
Let me be perfectly clear… we live this way because we have no choice.
No one taps you on the shoulder and asks if you’re ok with becoming disabled.
No one gets your consent before stripping you of your health and leaving you bed bound.
It just happens. It can occur in the blink of an eye, and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.
We can’t
... show moreāYouāre not fun anymoreā
This was one of the last things a friend said to me before ghosting me over my disabilities & covid caution.
My wearing a mask? Not fun
My being bedbound? Not fun
My inability to travel? Not fun
She then said āI donāt know how you can live this wayā
Almost everyone with chronic illness experiences this at some point.
Many ableds want us to hide our disabilities.
They want us to be the same as we were before because it makes things more comfortable for them.
If we show them the depths of our suffering?
They canāt cope.
They see us as better off dead.
Let me be perfectly clear⦠we live this way because we have no choice.
No one taps you on the shoulder and asks if youāre ok with becoming disabled.
No one gets your consent before stripping you of your health and leaving you bed bound.
It just happens. It can occur in the blink of an eye, and thereās not a damn thing we can do about it.
We canāt just go to the doctor and demand to be āfixedā.
We have to adapt. We have to grieve. We have to learn to accept our new life and find ways to cope.
Is it fun? Of course not.
Is it necessary? Yes.
Does it mean we arenāt fun anymore? No.
Weāre still the same people we were before we became ill, our bodies just donāt function the way they used to.
We still experience joy and sadness. We still crave human connection.
People who decide we arenāt āfun anymoreā are missing out on all the joy and friendship we have to offer.
Theyāre also denying the reality of the human condition:
Disability happens to almost everyone eventually.
Itās a minority group you can join at any time.
Chronic illness isnāt āfunā. Iām not going to lie and say otherwise.
Itās a difficult life filled with pain, sadness and a lot of disappointment.
But there can also be so much joy, and my former friendās inability to see that is a poor reflection on her, not me.
We must stop treating people like commodities.
We must stop acting like their value is tied up in what they can produce or their physical ability.
We all have value.
We all have worth.
We all have things that light us up.
I was angry at this person for a long time.
I did so much for them over the years and then got tossed aside like garbage when I was no longer useful.
Iām trying to let the anger go.
Iām trying to remind myself that anyone who canāt love me as I am isnāt worth my time.
Itās not easy.
The pain we experience when people abandon us is real and adds insult to very real injury.
But I promise you there are better days ahead.
There are people who will stick by you no matter what.
People who wonāt make you hide your pain and suffering.
There are people who will show up for you and accept you as you are.
Who will wear a mask, hold your hand in the hospital or visit you when youāre laying in bed.
Cherish those people. Nurture those relationships. Make sure they know how much it means to you.
If youāve read this far and have a disabled person in your life, please reach out to them.
Say hi. Ask how they are. Offer to visit or provide some help. Show up for them.
Never underestimate the power of a small act of kindness, and refuse to leave people behind.
#disability #ableism #chronicillness #eugenics #inclusion #COVIDisAirborne